Bird of the Week: Twitter Bird
Meet a once-thriving avian that has suddenly turned into an endangered species.
The birds we feature on Bird of the Week don’t often make international headlines, but it feels like today’s bird has been absolutely everywhere lately.
Meet…the Twitter bird.
Pretty cute! It’s round and blue and cheerful, and it looks like it’s got a song in its heart.
The Twitter bird was unknown to researchers until it was suddenly spotted in the wild in 2006. Scientists studying the bird were initially baffled by the startling speed of its evolutionary process—it appeared to make repeated, dramatic changes in the space of just a few years.
By 2012, though, the bird appeared to have settled into an enduring form and began being spotted in the wild in cities across the world. Here’s a famed sighting from San Francisco:
Over the years, the bird became a creature of (somewhat disconcertingly) outsized importance to the world. It was hard to find anyone who said that they outright loved the bird (its habit of leaving vast quantities of its droppings everywhere it went did not endear it to most people) but many millions—including some of the most powerful people around—grew hopelessly attached to it nonetheless. It seemed like the bird would muddle along, causing drama and influencing global events, for many years to come.
Then, in 2022, a billionaire named Elon Musk suddenly took control of the bird. Musk constructed a series of very large brick walls, announced that he had invented a super-special way to climb over the walls, ignored everyone who told him that he actually had not invented a super-special way to climb over the walls, and then crashed straight into every single one of the walls, all while holding the quivering bird in his fist.
Now, the once-thriving Twitter bird finds itself an endangered species, under threat of extinction thanks to the reckless machinations of one rich bozo. Everyone is frantically searching around for replacements for the Twitter bird. Some are even looking to ancient animals that most people thought were long dead.
Luckily for humanity, we here at Discourse Blog have the perfect replacement for the Twitter bird. It’s been around for a few years, loves standing up to wealthy idiots, and carries itself with a jaunty charm that’s instantly endearing. Here’s what it looks like:
What a bird!!!! What grace, what elegance, what elan! Here’s a bird everyone can agree on!!!!
But this bird—which scientists are tentatively calling the Discourse Blog Bird—also needs your help. It needs as many supporters as it can possibly get, or else it might join the poor Twitter bird in Bird Heaven. And that would be TERRIBLE.
How fortunate, then, that there is a quick and easy way to ensure that this bird stays aloft long into the future. All you have to do is click the button below.
Protect the bird!!! Subscribe to Discourse Blog!
You did it! You helped a bird survive! You’re a HERO TO ALL BIRDS AND LIVING THINGS. Thanks for standing up for nature, and for showing people like Elon Musk what it means to keep a bird happy, healthy, and safe.
Until next time!