When I told Jack Mirkinson a month or so ago that I wanted us to do another reader survey before the end of summer, I asked him if he wanted me to write the question around Congress, or maybe even Joe Biden. Instead, he told me to have fun with it — a perfectly good and fine, and even helpful directive in the age of, uhh, Q8 of the pandemic.

I can be fun! I know how to have fun, I promise! But the Delta variant, the Afghanistan withdrawal, the destruction of cities thanks to our ignoring of climate change have made it almost impossible to think about "fun." And so I really had to concentrate for several days, but the result — what can I say? It's pretty fun!

So fun, perhaps, that — to quote one of my favorite new TikToks — I may have girlbossed too close to the sun, but I know, I know, our readers had a blast taking this survey. And now we know how many of them have stolen soap dispensers from restaurants, and how they've coped with the pandemic, and that many of them are dudes who rock (more on that down below, you'll see). This highly unscientific survey was sent out by email last week and below are the results from 236 readers (though not all of them responded to every question, lol).

I give all my thanks to those who participated — even those who have personally contacted me to complain about that last question! Your feedback is very much appreciated, and no, I will never apologize for my crimes against humanity* (*making you think about whether you'd rather marry, fuck or kill a few select Matts).

Have your own idea for a survey? Send your ideas to tips@discourseblog.com.

You have a sandwich. You must remove one component of the sandwich in order to make the worst sandwich possible. What do you remove from the sandwich?

Think of the most avoidable, most thoughtless, most expensive mistake you’ve made in your life. Something that would have taken little effort or brain power to prevent. No, college/marriage/having children/other big life decisions do not apply here, unless you think they somehow fall under your “most thoughtless” mistakes. How expensive was this mistake?

What makes the perfect vacation, even if the other options aren’t part of the vacation? 

What’s one thing you’ve tried to do over the past year and a half to make your brain feel less on fire?

Don’t think — what do you want for dinner?

You hear something about “rumors” on the radio. Which musician are you thinking of?

The best things in life are free. What’s your favorite thing you’ve taken from a restaurant? 

When you die, what do you want done to your body?

You must eliminate one show from the Michael Schur TV Universe, but in exchange the leads of the other shows get to star in their own U.S. military-funded move in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Which show do you choose?

You have a cat. If you do not have a cat, pretend you have one. How often do you clean your cat’s litter? Yes this is a question meant to sew division on the left.

What is the Business Insider headline that will finally break you?

If you could, what emotion or sensation would you want the ability to turn on or off, on a dime? 

FMK: Matt Yglesias, Matt Damon, and Matt Lauer