FOWL HYSTERIA 2024: ROUND ONE
Let's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
In the beginning, the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And, in 2021, Discourse Blog said, “Let there be Bird of the Week,” and there was Bird of the Week.
And, in 2023, Discourse Blog said, “Let there be the world's first-ever bird-themed bracket tournament,” and there was the world's first-ever bird-themed bracket tournament. And Discourse Blog called the tournament Fowl Hysteria, and Discourse Blog saw that it was good.
And, in 2024, Discourse Blog said, “Let’s do that again.” And here we are.
That’s right. Fowl Hysteria—the first, the greatest, the most important bird-themed bracket tournament the planet has ever seen—is back. Over the next six weeks, 32 birds, all chosen from the archives of Bird of the Week, will go head to head in a contest to decide which is the One Bird To Rule Them All (until March 2025 at least).
None of these birds were in the 2023 edition of Fowl Hysteria. You have 32 BRAND-NEW BIRDS TO CHOOSE FROM.
Here’s how the matchups look after we put all the names in a list and hit shuffle.
Why Are We Doing This Again?
Because it was so fun last year! Birds are fun, tournaments are fun, and Discourse Blog’s readers are fun. And fun is good.
How This Will Work
The rules are simple. They are also the same as last year.
There are 32 birds, so that means 16 different matchups for this first round. We’ve created polls for every single matchup, and made sure to provide you with the links to the relevant bird blogs so you can refresh your memory if you need. All you have to do is vote for the bird of your choice in each poll! You have a week to vote, and then, every Friday, we’ll narrow the field down until we reach our final.
If you are reading this in your email, you might get the “[Message clipped] View entire message” uhhh message because there are simply too many good birds for email to handle. Just click the link at the bottom of the email, which will take you to the complete post.
Should we do this????
Should we????
Yes. Here we go. ROUND ONE. LET’S DO THIS.
Great White Pelican vs. Bat Falcon
In one corner, the second-biggest pelican on earth. In another corner, a falcon that loves to eat bats so much that they put “bat” in its name.
Painted Bunting vs. Pittas
Here’s bunting info; here’s pitta info. We got nothing better than LOOK AT THESE BIRDS.
Antarctic Shag vs. Northern Shrike
What a matchup: an unforgettable titan of the South Pole faces (and what a face!) off against one of nature’s most hardcore predators.
Common Grackle vs. Toucan Barbet
Caitlin called the grackle a “beautiful goth bird that lives at the exact intersection of ordinary and extraordinary.” She called the barbet “a damn watercolor of a bird.” Caitlin is good at this, isn’t she? Now you pick who wins.
Wild Turkey vs. Yellow-Billed Stork
Two birds that prove that nature is out of its damn mind in the best possible way. The turkey is real. The stork is real. How???
Snow Petrel vs. Dracula Parrot
The petrel is so skilled at surviving in hostile environments that scientists are actually baffled. The parrot is so skilled at looking like a menace to society that it got named after a vampire, even though it mostly eats figs. Hell yes.
Cassowary vs. Great Bustard
Who’s it gonna be: “a truly out-of-this-world dino-bird,” as Katherine dubbed the cassowary, or a “drug-taking, safe sex icon,” as Caitlin called the great bustard?
Great Gray Owl vs. Resplendent Quetzal
Another pair of “how the hell are they real” birds. Good luck picking between these two.
Scott’s Oriole vs. Willie Wagtail
One of nature’s most beloved, regal desert-dwellers battles one of nature’s most beloved, pissed-off Australia-dwellers.
Freckled Duck vs. New World Warblers
More “how real?” birds. Of the duck, Caitlin wrote, “Why continue to do anything when this creature is bobbing around the planet???” Of the warblers, Jack wrote, “Some birds are here to look adorable and chirp and perpetuate the species.”
Seagull vs. California Brown Pelican
Two extremely iconic birds that Jack saw one time!
Burrowing Owl vs. Black-Billed Magpie
It’s an owl that lives underground!!!! And a magpie that often lives on cows!!!
Long-Tailed Duck vs. Belted Kingfisher
Look at these birds. We don’t even need to say anything.
Black-Naped Pheasant-Pigeon vs. Cowbird
The pheasant-pigeon is, as Caitlin wrote, “a chicken-sized, ground-dwelling bird with a pheasant-like tail” that hadn’t been seen in the wild in a century. Incredible!!! The cowbird is, as Jack wrote, “a bird that taps into the dark side of existence—one whose whole method of survival is based on deception and outright thievery.” OooooOOOO. Who ya got?
Macaroni Penguin vs. Cock-of-the-Rock
Two of nature’s most exquisite, wonderfully named, total freak birds. HOW ARE THEY REAL.
Peregrine Falcon vs. Southern Ground Hornbill
And finally. The fastest animal in the world meets an African colossus. Whew.
WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW.
OK, get to voting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we’ll see you next week.
A reminder: you can check out our complete Bird of the Week list here, and get in touch with your bird suggestions at hello@discourseblog.com.
Who is out here voting for cowbirds!!!! What is in your HEARTS
If you call gulls “seagulls” it will make some serious birders snicker at you and say “seagulls isn’t a thing” which is exactly why I still say seagulls.