How Not to Announce That Someone Is Dead

PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO

(Kent Nishimura / Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)

Dianne Feinstein, one of the longest-serving and most powerful members of the Senate, the former mayor of San Francisco, and a formidable political player for nearly 60 years, has died at the age of 90.

Discourse Blog has made its thoughts on Feinstein very, very, very clear, but she is important enough that we will have more to say in the coming days.

For now, though, we’ll focus on the certifiably insane way that most people found out about this objectively significant event:

Twitter

PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO

PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO

PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO

Where were you when you heard the news that PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO, I mean that Dianne Feinstein was dead?

It seems like just yesterday that life was carrying on as normal, and then PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO, and everything changed.

This is news “reporting” at its absolute dumbest—oh my god, we found out thirty seconds before other people that someone is dead, PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO!!!! The point is to stress that if you pay Punchbowl some money, you too can find out that Dianne Feinstein is dead at…roughly the same time as the rest of the world. That’s what the movers and shakers need, after all: they need a PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO about people who, being dead, are literally not in a position to do anything anymore, or else they are nothing in this town!!!! Morons.

Anyway, uh, subscribe to Discourse Blog if you want to support our important work of pointing out that PUNCHBOWL NEWS TEXT OUT A FEW MIN AGO is some deranged bullshit.