I'm Not So Sure About This Uber-For-Hired-Goons App

What could possibly go wrong?

Twitter

There was a time not too long ago when just about every get-rich-quick app idea came in one of two genres: “‘Farmville’ but it’s ______” or “Uber for ______”. These, it seemed, were the only paths available for anyone trying to make an easy buck out of the gig economy, or hoping to scratch that pathological itch for cartoony little guys doing their cartoony little duties in a cartoony little world of limited resources and infinite in-app purchases.

Since then, the rhetorical shorthand of “Uber for ____” has become enough of a cliche that it’s largely fallen out of use among a Silicon Valley vampire class desperate to serve reheated leftovers of previous successes, while similarly desperate to avoid being labeled as the sort of failed tech visionary who’d dare serve reheated leftovers of a previous success. But “largely” doesn’t mean “completely,” which is why we have this guy proudly trumpeting an “Uber with guns” idea without the slightest hint of shame or self-awareness.

Screenshot / Twitter

Meet: Protector, your go-to app for armed goons and goon-related services.

Feeling good? Just wait until you hear more about how this thing works.