INTRODUCING: FOWL HYSTERIA
Welcome to the world's first-ever bird-themed bracket tournament!!!!!!!!!
VOTING HAS CLOSED FOR THIS ROUND. CLICK HERE TO VOTE IN ROUND 2.
OK give us a moment, we just have to calm ourselves because the excitement is threatening to overtake us. OK, breathe in, breathe out, breathe—AHHH IT’S NO USE WE’RE TOO STOKED FOR THIS!
WELCOME TO FOWL HYSTERIA, THE WORLD’S FIRST-EVER BRACKET-BASED BIRD TOURNAMENT!!!!
That’s right. Since it’s March, when bracket-based tournaments are all the rage, Discourse Blog is entering the fray with our very own bird-themed contest. We (or, rather, a randomizer tool on the internet) selected 32 of the birds that have been spotlighted in Bird of the Week over the past two years and put them beak to beak, wing to wing, claw to claw, feather to feather. And over the next month or so, you, our favorite bird-loving readers, will be able to vote on which birds should fly through to the finals and which will have to be content with merely being an amazing bird.
We even made our own little bracket!!! Look!!!! And the absolutely brilliant Sam made the illustration up top. And the absolutely brilliant Paul came up with the name! We’re serious about this thing!
We’d love to claim that we had this idea all by ourselves, but it came to us from one of our brilliant commenters, Morgan O. “You should run a bird of the year(s) bracket for everyone,” Morgan wrote. “My vote is going to the Kea, but they're all winners!”
We loved this for a few reasons. First, Morgan’s idea was incredible, which is why we’re doing it. Second, the Kea is a wonderful bird. And third, “they’re all winners!” is exactly the spirit we want this contest to have.
Every bird, in our opinion, rules. Every brings wonderful things to the table. This is just a fun way for everyone to wave the flag for their faves! So don’t be too downhearted if your bird doesn’t make it too far in the contest—especially since that bird will definitely not know this is going on.
How This Is Going to Work
It’s pretty simple. There are 32 birds, so that means 16 different matchups for this first round. We’ve created polls for every single matchup, and made sure to provide you with the links to the relevant bird blogs so you can refresh your memory if you need. All you have to do is vote for the bird of your choice in each poll! You have a week to vote, and then, every Friday, we’ll narrow the field down until we reach our final.
If you are reading this in your email and want to vote in every contest, you will have to click the “[Message clipped] View entire message” link at the bottom of the email, which will take you to the complete post.
OK, HERE. WE. GO. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy voting!!!!
In one corner: the wonderfully freaky shoebill. In another corner: the wonderfully cute piping plover!
Two members of our 2023 class are going beak-to-beak: the iconic water-dwelling hooded merganser and the iconic tree-dwelling indigo bunting.
Two heavyweights of the sky: the fearsome spotted eagle-owl and the fiercely intelligent American crow!
The common potoo, one of birdland’s most amazing weirdos, faces off against the Baltimore oriole, a bird so wonderful that it almost makes up for Maryland’s terrible flag.
The whip-smart and gloriously gloomy Australian raven faces the stunning and awe-inspiring fruit doves.
Who will it be: the fish’s worst enemy the Caspian tern, or the tree’s best friend the northern flicker?
Do you want a pigeon that is really a perfect dove or a bird that is sort of also a cow?
One is a giant vulture hero and the other is a little socialist hero. Which will it be????
In one corner, a huge, snake-like predator, and in another, literally the second-smallest bird in the entire universe.
The Kirtland’s Warbler, the bird made famous by Michigan Journalism Hall of Fame inductee John Schneider, versus the Himalayan Monal, a bird so beautiful that future Michigan Journalism Hall of Fame inductee Caitlin Schneider said “Oh my GOD this bird looks fake.”
Weavers, the refined artists of the bird world, make impeccable, stunning nests. Pigeons, the striving hustlers of the bird world, just throw some sticks together. Both approaches are perfect. But which gets your vote?
Two of the top wackos of the bird world square off, but only one can win! Will it be the secretary bird or the bittern???
A Russian ice god versus a Latin American bundle of joy.
Bryant Park’s grooviest avian against LA’s sparkliest superstars.
Morgan O is all in for New Zealand’s bird masterpiece. But it has a tough opponent: the opera-singing outlaws of the bird world!
And last but CERTAINLY not least…a bone-eating colossus meets a little work of art.
OK, that’s it for this round! Don’t forget to vote, and tune in next week to see who made it to Round 2!!!!
We think, don’t fact-check us on this.
Goddamn this is the hardest I have ever had to think while voting.
I am going to go on a trip around the world personally apologizing to every bird that doesn't win