With all due respect to Minneapolis’ own Prince “Sometimes it Snows in April” Rogers Nelson: fuck off, man. Just…goddammit, dude, all it’s DONE is snow here this month — almost every day! And look, it’s Minnesota, I get it. We’ve got a shitty winter that’s too cold and lasts too long. Fine, I’ve made my peace with it. But c’mon, this is getting ridiculous.
Also, at least I’m not a grown-ass adult threatening some exhausted hotel employee with a homemade “wizard’s wand” that’s actually just a knife stuck on the end of some stick I’d found. And if you’re wondering what wizards do when someone pulls a gun on them, they apparently throw a huffy tantrum and try to storm off back to Hogwarts or whatever, until the cops show up and toss ‘em in the back of a cruiser instead.