Good news, everyone! That whole COVID-19 pandemic you may have heard about over the last couple years? It’s done! Finished! Terminado! You might even say…mission accomplished.

I know this because none other than the president of the United States, Mr. Joe Biden himself, informed the world of COVID’s defeat during Sunday night’s 60 Minutes:

60 Minutes @60Minutes

“The pandemic is over. We still have a problem with COVID. We’re still doing a lot of work on it. But the pandemic is over,” President Biden tells 60 Minutes in an interview in Detroit. cbsn.ws/3DDT4D9

12:09 AM ∙ Sep 19, 2022

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Here’s the full exchange Biden had with interviewer Scott Pelley:

Pelley: Mr. President, first Detroit Auto Show in three years. Is the pandemic over?

Biden: The pandemic is over. We still have a problem with COVID. We're still doing a lotta work on it. It's-- but the pandemic is over. if you notice, no one's wearing masks. Everybody seems to be in pretty good shape. And so I think it's changing. And I think this is a perfect example of it.

We did it, folks!!!!

OK, I will drop my little act now. I have my serious face back on. Forgive me for being slightly indelicate, but what the fuck?