The Zombie Dweebs of No Labels Are at It Again

Led by the rotting cadaver also known as Joe Lieberman!

Fox News

OK, before we get into the main stuff, did you know that Joe Lieberman is still alive? I must confess that I wouldn’t have been able to tell you with certainty one way or the other before this morning. Ever since he ended his decades-long reign as one of the worst politicians in American history, it feels like we haven’t heard much from ol’ Joey. But apparently, he’s been hanging around, joking at funerals about how fun it is to be a lobbyist and generally having a ball. So it’s official: put Joe Lieberman in the “alive” column.

Well, make that “reputedly alive.” The slightly rotting cadaver that showed up on Fox News Sunday this weekend claimed to answer to the name “Joe Lieberman” and talked in that “I promise I’m really sad that I just had to chuck all of those orphans onto the street” voice that Joe Lieberman has, but we’ve made huge strides in AI and hologram technology in the years since will.i.am and Anderson Cooper were chatting with each other through (Muppet Show voice) time aaaand spaaaace. So it’s entirely possible that, a la Queen Elizabeth, “Joe Lieberman” is now a complex array of gizmos and gadgets inhabiting the persona of a man who died long ago. I mean, look at the picture at the top of this post. Can we really rule it out?

Actually, now that I think about it, we can, because, unlike Queen Elizabeth, there isn’t really anyone in the world who thinks Joe Lieberman is important enough to invest those kinds of human-simulating resources into. Nothing of significance is hinging on Joe Lieberman continuing to have a pulse.

But wait!!!! What am I saying??? Joe Lieberman is doing something of earth-shaking consequence right now. He is going on television as a representative of the group that will save the United States: No Labels.