They're Huge Babies. All of 'Em
To be a Republican is to brag about how scared you are of everything all of the time.
President Donald Trump’s order to deploy hundreds of National Guard troops onto the historically safe streets of Washington DC has thrust the country into yet another semi-existential crisis, bringing us one step closer to the nationwide military occupation the president has been transparently craving for nearly a decade.
Thus far, the 800-some deployed troops and accompanying FBI agents in DC have largely been met with enthusiastic ridicule and a single ballistic sandwich, undercutting the president’s insistence that “special conditions of an emergency nature” have turned the nation’s capital into a blighted domain filled with roving gangs deserving of military liquidation. It turns out that DC is mostly just a place where ordinary people live and work and occasionally throw their meatball subs at an occupying agent of the state.
But even that seems a bridge too far for some of the conservative world’s most committed diaper-wetters, who have spent the intervening hours since Trump’s deployment telling anyone within earshot about how scared they are of the normal goings on of a mid-sized city. And not just telling, but bragging about how scared they are as a way to signal their MAGA fealty.
DC is “daggum dangerous, brother,” Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett insisted during a CNN interview on Tuesday, claiming it was “one of the reasons I live in my office at night.” That Burchett used the very same interview to brag about how little work he missed after being kicked by a horse last month should give you a sense of what sort of person we’re talking about here.
Why a fully grown member of Congress would want to go on national television to crow about being a huge baby is beyond me. But, as it turns out, Burchett is far from the only high-profile conservative to go out of their way to call attention to how big a weenie they can be in the face of mild discomfort.
