Please join me in wishing California Republican Rep. Kevin McCarthy a hearty congratulations on his recent victory in the United States House of Representatives, where he was elected Speaker on his 15th ballot — not too embarrassing when you consider that the universe is over 13 billion years old and someday all our atoms will be torn apart by the inexorable force of entropy and no one will be left to remember we even existed.

What I mean is: welcome to hell, Kev, you total schmuck, you world class rube.