Welcome to the Big Fake Presidential Primary
The race is over before it began, so what the hell are all these clowns doing?
The 2024 election is going to be a rematch between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. There is no mystery to this and stating it is so obvious that it bored me to even type that as the lede. Apologies.
What is less boring is the absurdist carnival happening not only in the Republican party but the Democratic Party as well, in which various figures scramble over one another in order to be seen as a successor to the two barely functioning octogenarians who will most likely top the ballots in a year.
Per the Washington Post, a new poll in Iowa has Trump at 43 percent and his closest rivals, Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis, at 16 percent each. This isn’t a competition, really — except for who can sling the most mud and shovel the most slop down at the bottom of the trenches and eventually capture the admiration of enough
Republican voters GOP bigwigs guys who show Trump things on the iPad every morning in order to take over an intensely dysfunctional yet horrifically powerful political party after its figurehead for the better part of the past decade eventually dies retires decides he just wants to ride big golf cart at Mar a Lago while directing his secretary to send another insulting eCard to Graydon Carter.
That’s not stopping all of these people from doing candidate-type things, no matter how dumb it makes them look. Let’s get into some examples.
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