Welcome to “Which New York Times Column Is Stupider?” In this series, we examine two New York Times op-ed columns and ask the simple question: which one of them is stupider?

With some notable exceptions, New York Times columnists are like Supreme Court justices, in that they are both terrible at their jobs and impossible to dislodge. This week’s edition pits a longtime veteran of stupid Times columns against a newcomer who’s made her stupidity mark with astonishing speed. That’s right: it’s Thomas Friedman vs. Pamela Paul!!!

Both of these columns were published on Sunday, and while each one tackles a very different subject, both leave the reader slack-jawed with wonder at the amount of stupidity that has been allowed to pile up. But only one can take the crown! Which will it be??? Let’s get ready to rumbbbbbbbbblllllllllleeeeeeeeeee.