Zelensky Needs to Raise His Celebrity Bar

You are the president, you do not need to meet with Orlando Bloom.

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Years ago, my 10th-grade English teacher rewarded our class with a surprise screening of Of Mice and Men, the 1992 film adaptation of Steinbeck’s classic novella which we had just finished reading. “It stars Gary Sinise!” she told us glowingly, as if that was, in and of itself, a reason to get excited.

Suffice it to say, we did not give much of a shit. To this day, the incident remains scorched in my brain as a prime example of someone genuinely trying to get me excited about a celebrity they think I should care deeply about.

Which brings me to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Or, more accurately, to Orlando Bloom.