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Area Man Takes Hint
Pour one out for ol’ Bill de Blasio, the enormous goober whose only notable claim to fame is having once achieved the impossible — uniting the entirety of New York in a shared sense of utter disrespect and contempt for his time in office.
On Tuesday, the former NYC Mayor and onetime presidential hopeful (haha) announced he was dropping his quixotic bid to represent New York’s 10th congressional district, admitting in a maudlin man-on-the-street video that “people are looking for another option.”
De Blasio’s congressional run was so abysmal, it was evidently enough to dissuade him from elections in general, as he explained; “time for me to leave electoral politics and focus on other ways to serve.”
De Blasio’s campaign manager Neal Kwatra explained the decision to drop out so early in the congressional race to Politico, saying: “there was a cognitive dissonance with what we were seeing on the campaign trail and in the streets and what we were finding in the research.” It’s true, in fact, that polling this week showed de Blasio coming in 7th place — supported by just three percent of voters — among the crowded Democratic field of candidates running for the NY10 seat. But in order for there to be “cognitive dissonance” between abysmal poll numbers and what his campaign was seeing “in the streets,” there would have to have been some sort of groundswell of support among the same voters who spent the majority of de Blasio’s time as mayor booing him over and over and over and over again in public. I’m…suspicious.
Regardless, now that this tall doofus has walked too close to the sun and melted his political wings into a waxy puddle, the question becomes: what will Bill de Blasio do next? To which I would recommend: exterminator apprenticeship.