15 Comments
Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

I had surgery two weeks ago for an obstruction between my kidney and bladder. It went very well and they apparently removed the catheter while I was still under. They asked me to piss before I could leave and COULD NOT MAKE IT HAPPEN. Eventually, after much straining and a BURNING desire to go home, I managed a bit of dark urine. They said I'd have to go again before I could be released. No dice.

Eventually the doctor gave me an ultimatum....I could have a catheter inserted and go home immediately or I could stay overnight with no catheter.

Gentle reader...as the doctor brought over the catheter packaging I started thinking of sounding videos and other weird dick play I've seen in porn videos and thought "well, if some people do it for pleasure how bad can it be?"

Bad

Even in the haze of my narcotics it was unpleasant. Think of what a catheter insertion is like and multiply that by 1000.

It stayed in for two days and the day of removal I was terrified. It took three seconds at the doctor's office and wasn't bad at all.

scene

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

Winced reading this / really wish I hadn’t learned about sounding a few months ago!!

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

Oh, the horrible things we have all learned about in the past six months!

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Came here for a catheter play reference; was not disappointed.

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Jack Crosbie, Rafi Schwartz

after three-four years of thinking she was having anxiety attacks my wife was *finally* correctly diagnosed with afib and had an ablation that was successful. While she's had just a couple of relapse episodes in the course of 5 years some of which were terrifying and some of which were terrifying but hilarious, it mostly took. Her cardiologist says that these ablations don't last forever, but that each successive one lasts a longer time. Best wishes for long, uninterrupted periods of normal heartbeats and regular everyday hassles.

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author

Hey thanks! I'm enjoying not having to pause and catch my breath every time i go up a flight of stairs, which I initially attributed to being wildly out of shape, and not organ failure. So far, so good!

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

"Somehow, I lost the argument, because pissing yourself is a real possibility in this kind of situation and probably also because I was both wrong and high out of my mind."

Counterpoint: Adult diapers. Can any medical professional tell me why it wouldn't be cheaper and easier to put a diaper on to account for the POSSIBILITY of pissing one's self, rather than sticking a (w)hole tube up there?

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

Most importantly here, you can't access the femoral artery in the groin if a diaper is on. Other reasons include: it's important to keep track of how much urine the patient is making so the anesthesiologist can adjust the fluid rate. Also, there is no good way to change the diaper, and you don't want a wet diaper to sit there and cause skin breakdown.

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

If I ever have to get a catheter put in I want to be knocked out until it's out. I have nightmares about catheters. I would pay someone to hold my penis over a measuring cup for the entire procedure. I know a guy that might actually pay ME to do that.

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

I'm glad to have you here, Rafi, if only to hear tales of catheters and new shoes.

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

WOW, I'm sorta horrified and impressed! Congrats on being alive!

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Sep 9, 2020Liked by Rafi Schwartz

Considering the goofy juice remnants (most likely) still in your system, writing this piece coherently is a feat unto itself! Very glad to read that you’re okay, if a bit bruised and checkerboard-y.

I’m hoping some women/AFAB folks will drop some catheter stories in the comments because it’s a whole different game for us. Since dignity is no longer at play here, I’ll say that mine was a highlight of my time

in the hospital for spine surgery last year, and two friends with young kids felt the same about their post-birth catheters too.

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My father has spent 30+ years as a cardiac specialized anesthesiologist, and enjoyed this so much he told me he wants to give it to future ablation patients. So uh, nice work.

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founding

Good stuff Rafi. I went through the same procedure last December, but for supraventricular tachycardia. Didn't work - they couldn't get my heart to do its wacky acceleration, so I just ended up with the sore holes like you, and no fix at all. Now managed with drugs, which seem to be working - no events this year. My condition didn't start until I was a bit on the old side.

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founding

Good stuff Rafi. I went through the same procedure last December, but for supraventricular tachycardia. Didn't work - they couldn't get my heart to do its wacky acceleration, so I just ended up with the sore holes like you, and no fix at all. Now managed with drugs, which seem to be working - no events this year. My condition didn't start until I was a bit on the old side.

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