Everything you have written sounds normal. Cats tend to pair bond, whether with each other or with a human. When the dynamics shift in a multi-cat and human household there is always an adjustment period, sometimes one that last months. And, not to alarm you, but sometimes there never is full acceptance of the new dynamic.
I have had two pairs of female cats who loathed the sight of each other for years. For the first pair it was 8 years, the second pair, 13 years. Only death changed that. This meant hissing, spitting, “get off my blanket NOW!” fights to grumbling and growling as they passed in a room in their later years. Inexplicably though, they often slept curled up next to each other, sleeping peacefully until one woke and found herself next to her nemesis.
What worked for me were timeouts. If the fight was awful, as the last one you described, each cat was put into a bedroom or bathroom for no more than ten minutes. Each time I said “you need a timeout” as I picked up the cat, said in a slightly firm voice but definitely not loud or alarmed. If they were too worked up I would scruff them by the neck and firmly support their back legs so they didn’t overreact (& I didn’t get scratched or nipped at) as I carried them to their separate rooms. Sounds silly maybe to give cats timeouts but it worked. Over time it helped the spats move from all-out to low-boil and after a year or two, depending on the cat’s grasp of the same words spoken right before the time-out, just saying “you need a timeout” resulted in the them stopping their assault on the other. Not quietly. There was always a bit of grumbling (growling, tail snapping) but the fight was over. When that happened I praised each verbally, gave them a scritch between the ears and a small treat. (I mention two pairs of female cats but I’ve had the same hostile reaction between 1 male
-1 female and 2 males.)
What also helps with the adjustment is when the kitten grows up and is the same or close to an equal weight of the others.
There will always be a pecking order and one will always be the alpha - although that can change over time.
I commend you for taking in rescue cats and for sticking with them through the adjustments. Many people don’t. (And to be fair, there are occasions, especially when a feral or near feral cat/kitten is taken in that the adjustment never happens and only escalates.) I wish you and your human/feline household only the best.
The single most effective addition I've found for cat behavior issues, especially if it's multiple cats fighting, has been synthetic pheromones. I've had a Feliway Optimum (or whatever it's called) plug-in diffuser in my living room, and it helped my new kitten adjust to both the apartment and his younger brother (also a kitten, but whom I've had for longer) much faster than I'd expected. It's not a substitute for other behavioral management, but it sure as hell helps.
For behavioral management, as I'm sure you've heard a million times, cats don't really respond to punishment, which is true; it just damages their trust in you and makes them think you're an asshole. The best thing is just to reward them for playing nice and separate and ignore them when they're being shitheads. Younger is still an obnoxious little shit to Older sometimes, but whenever he's being a brat—ignoring Older's cries and growls, for instance, and attacking even though he clearly doesn't want to play—I just pick up Older and ignore Younger for a solid minute. Similarly, Older sometimes growls at Younger over toys or food, so I just take the toy or food away and ignore him. I don't brook any food or toy aggression in my household, as it can grow into more serious problems.
I can relate so much!! Really enjoyed your newsletter. We just brought home a third dog a little over a month ago. Why?? I have no clue other than I absolutely adore dogs, and my life is already chaotic with a four year old human so why not add more chaos to the mix 😂. My queen bee Basset Hound felt so put out for the first three weeks. Thank god no fights, just growling and an understanding, through body language etc... that she’s the alpha. Our Golden Doodle, seven months, older puppy, is incredibly loving and submissive. We are incredibly fortunate. The male English Bulldog is indifferent to his presence. Haha!! Was not expecting that! All is going well now. They share the sofa, Golden Doodle in the middle. It’s quite amazing! What was I thinking though haha!! I truly believe the more fur babies the better. Best of luck to you. Thanks for sharing.
Ah, the joys of the multi-cat household.
Everything you have written sounds normal. Cats tend to pair bond, whether with each other or with a human. When the dynamics shift in a multi-cat and human household there is always an adjustment period, sometimes one that last months. And, not to alarm you, but sometimes there never is full acceptance of the new dynamic.
I have had two pairs of female cats who loathed the sight of each other for years. For the first pair it was 8 years, the second pair, 13 years. Only death changed that. This meant hissing, spitting, “get off my blanket NOW!” fights to grumbling and growling as they passed in a room in their later years. Inexplicably though, they often slept curled up next to each other, sleeping peacefully until one woke and found herself next to her nemesis.
What worked for me were timeouts. If the fight was awful, as the last one you described, each cat was put into a bedroom or bathroom for no more than ten minutes. Each time I said “you need a timeout” as I picked up the cat, said in a slightly firm voice but definitely not loud or alarmed. If they were too worked up I would scruff them by the neck and firmly support their back legs so they didn’t overreact (& I didn’t get scratched or nipped at) as I carried them to their separate rooms. Sounds silly maybe to give cats timeouts but it worked. Over time it helped the spats move from all-out to low-boil and after a year or two, depending on the cat’s grasp of the same words spoken right before the time-out, just saying “you need a timeout” resulted in the them stopping their assault on the other. Not quietly. There was always a bit of grumbling (growling, tail snapping) but the fight was over. When that happened I praised each verbally, gave them a scritch between the ears and a small treat. (I mention two pairs of female cats but I’ve had the same hostile reaction between 1 male
-1 female and 2 males.)
What also helps with the adjustment is when the kitten grows up and is the same or close to an equal weight of the others.
There will always be a pecking order and one will always be the alpha - although that can change over time.
I commend you for taking in rescue cats and for sticking with them through the adjustments. Many people don’t. (And to be fair, there are occasions, especially when a feral or near feral cat/kitten is taken in that the adjustment never happens and only escalates.) I wish you and your human/feline household only the best.
The single most effective addition I've found for cat behavior issues, especially if it's multiple cats fighting, has been synthetic pheromones. I've had a Feliway Optimum (or whatever it's called) plug-in diffuser in my living room, and it helped my new kitten adjust to both the apartment and his younger brother (also a kitten, but whom I've had for longer) much faster than I'd expected. It's not a substitute for other behavioral management, but it sure as hell helps.
For behavioral management, as I'm sure you've heard a million times, cats don't really respond to punishment, which is true; it just damages their trust in you and makes them think you're an asshole. The best thing is just to reward them for playing nice and separate and ignore them when they're being shitheads. Younger is still an obnoxious little shit to Older sometimes, but whenever he's being a brat—ignoring Older's cries and growls, for instance, and attacking even though he clearly doesn't want to play—I just pick up Older and ignore Younger for a solid minute. Similarly, Older sometimes growls at Younger over toys or food, so I just take the toy or food away and ignore him. I don't brook any food or toy aggression in my household, as it can grow into more serious problems.
I can relate so much!! Really enjoyed your newsletter. We just brought home a third dog a little over a month ago. Why?? I have no clue other than I absolutely adore dogs, and my life is already chaotic with a four year old human so why not add more chaos to the mix 😂. My queen bee Basset Hound felt so put out for the first three weeks. Thank god no fights, just growling and an understanding, through body language etc... that she’s the alpha. Our Golden Doodle, seven months, older puppy, is incredibly loving and submissive. We are incredibly fortunate. The male English Bulldog is indifferent to his presence. Haha!! Was not expecting that! All is going well now. They share the sofa, Golden Doodle in the middle. It’s quite amazing! What was I thinking though haha!! I truly believe the more fur babies the better. Best of luck to you. Thanks for sharing.