Office Hours: Hit Me With Your Worst Shot
We wanna know the worst advice you've ever gotten, or given, in your life.
Hey there, welcome to Office Hours, Discourse Blog’s bi-weekly, subscribers-only open thread. If this looks vaguely familiar to you, that’s because Office Hours started right here on Substack, then was on our private Discord channel. For today’s edition, we’re bringing it back where it all began! Enjoy!
There’s something to be said for knowing when to give advice, and knowing when to keep your stupid mouth shut before your stupid brain spurts some stupid ideas into someone else’s stupid life problems. Discretion, as they say, is the better part of valor. And yet, there are those among us — perhaps even reading this very blog! — who can’t help but offer their opinions, both solicited and un-, no matter how sincerely awful those opinions might be.
Which brings me, unfortunately, to Kid goddamned Rock, a semi-sentient bottle of Axe body spray who pivoted from his previous life as an underwhelming musician to a new role as an underwhelming political bit player in the expansive solar system of enormous gas giants that orbit Donald Trump. Indeed, as Mr. Rock told Fox News’ Tucker Carlson on Monday night, the former president thinks so highly of him that Trump repeatedly turned to the “bawitdaba” wordsmith to advise him on matters of delicate geopolitical relations between belligerent nuclear powers.
With this in mind, I thought we could spend this week’s Triumphant Return of Office Hours to the Hallowed Halls of Substack talking about advice: Specifically: What’s the absolute worst, most dogshit, unforgivably bad advice you’ve ever gotten — or given! — in your life? Relationships, careers, family, friends, sex, pets, religion… the possibilities are endless.
So spill. Give us your worst advice horror stories. It’s Office Hours, folks. Let’s get weird with it.
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Embarrassed to admit I was one of those "god only gives you so much because he knows you can handle it" high schoolers, and then chose to apply it to like, heartbreak wrought by bad relationships lol.
I'll start: At summer camp I had a friend who loudly and enthusiastically encouraged people not to wear flip flops in the showers because the chemicals they used to make flip flops were "worse for you" than any fungus or bacteria you could catch walking around barefoot.