This is All Extremely Funny, Actually
Yes the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago means we're in uncharted waters, but god it feels good to laugh.
On Monday, without fanfare or apparent warning, FBI Agents executed a warrant at former President Donald Trump’s exclusive Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida. Trump himself was busy relaxing at his other exclusive estate-turned-graveyard in Bedminster, New Jersey when the raid happened, but as he stressed in a lengthy missive responding to the police action, “they even broke into my safe!”
According to Trump’s pallid middle child Eric, the FBI was searching for potentially classified documents the former President may have illegally absconded with after leaving office. While Trump himself has a copy of the warrant that ostensibly lists exactly what the bureau was after, and what they took, as of this moment he’s not deigned to actually share that information with the public. Instead he’s used the episode to bitch and moan and, most importantly, fundraise. His supporters, meanwhile, have spent the past day Stretch Armstronging themselves into a series of increasingly pathetic knots to justify their sudden pivot from “back the blue” to ACAB.
Now, listen, this is obviously serious stuff, and the sharp uptick in violent threats from Trump’s various sycophants and enablers is sincerely alarming… But, also, folks, this is all extremely funny. I’m talkin’ “remember when Trump got COVID?” level funny. Here are some absolutely hilarious things, in no particular order:
“They even broke into my safe!” - This immediately earns a slot in the top-five funniest Trump lines of all time, up there with “at seven it’s marginal” and “hello captain!” It’s a perfect mixture of self-aggrandizing narcissism, and ultra-specific nitpicking. His safe, my god, even his safe! An instant classic. I’ll be trying to work it into everyday conversation for the rest of my life.
Shut up, Andrews (Yang, Cuomo) -
Andrew Cuomo@andrewcuomoDOJ must immediately explain the reason for its raid & it must be more than a search for inconsequential archives or it will be viewed as a political tactic and undermine any future credible investigation & legitimacy of January 6 investigations.1:06 PM · Aug 9, 20223.83K Reposts · 22.3K LikesAndrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸@AndrewYangI’m no Trump fan. I want him as far away from the White House as possible. But a fundamental part of his appeal has been that it’s him against a corrupt government establishment. This raid strengthens that case for millions of Americans who will see this as unjust persecution.12:53 PM · Aug 9, 20224.11K Reposts · 32.1K LikesAll Andrews please shut up now. The world does not need you running interference for Donald Trump right now. If you are an Andrew who wants to weigh in on Monday’s events, I’m sorry, but these two Andrews ruined it for the rest of you. Take it up with them.
Marjorie Taylor Green, Candace Owens, et all, welcome to the resis-[I am yanked off stage by an enormous shepherd’s crook, and beaten to death with a thousand hardcover copies of the Krassenstein Brothers’ How the People Trumped Ronald Plump picture book] -
Rep. Paul Gosar, DDS@RepGosarThe FBI raid on Trump's home tells us one thing. Failure is not an option. We must destroy the FBI. We must save America. I stand with Donald J. Trump.1:57 AM · Aug 9, 20225.23K Reposts · 26.5K LikesRep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸@RepMTGDEFUND THE FBI!12:03 AM · Aug 9, 202221.3K Reposts · 126K LikesErick Erickson@EWEricksonI'm struggling to form an opinion about what happened. I'd like to know why the FBI raided. But I do think given the general distrust of the FBI, raiding the former President's home all but assures they'll be in line for defunding right behind the IRS.11:38 PM · Aug 8, 202258 Reposts · 502 LikesCandace Owens@RealCandaceOThe FBI must be legally and formally dissolved. What happened to President Trump is positively stunning and a mark of unchecked government power. I no longer recognize the country I live in. Left or right, we must all come together to fight this evil.12:08 AM · Aug 9, 202217.8K Reposts · 80K LikesRep. Anthony Sabatini@AnthonySabatiniIt’s time for us in the Florida Legislature to call an emergency legislative session & amend our laws regarding federal agencies Sever all ties with DOJ immediately Any FBI agent conducting law enforcement functions outside the purview of our State should be arrested upon sight12:52 AM · Aug 9, 202210.4K Reposts · 42.6K LikesOh, now we’ve decided the (handpicked Trump appointee-lead) FBI is bad? Hmm, how interesting. How fascinating. Much to consider here.
When it rains it pours - Lol. Lmao. An appeals court now says the IRS can go after Trump’s taxes.
Great question Chaz! -
Charlie Kirk@charliekirk11How many of the perverts whose names are written in Jeffrey Epstein’s Black Book have had their homes raided by the FBI since the Ghislaine Maxwell trial concluded?3:39 AM · Aug 9, 20225.22K Reposts · 19.1K LikesThank you for asking. I can think of at least one.
Someone get the pearls, it’s clutchin’ time! -
The Recount@therecount“If the FBI can do this to President Donald Trump, they can do it to you.” — Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) fear-mongers on Fox News5:55 PM · Aug 9, 202231 Reposts · 156 LikesHouse Judiciary GOP@JudiciaryGOPIf they can do it to a former President, imagine what they can do to you.11:55 PM · Aug 8, 20225.87K Reposts · 32.4K LikesIf the FBI has enough evidence to convince a federal judge of a potential crime at Mar a Lago, just imagine what they’ll do to you, ordinary person who hasn’t bragged about doing crimes over and over and over again in public! Quelle horreur!
🚨URGENT-
screenshot / my inbox Did he actually count the number of words in this email, because…?
Okay, I think that’s enough. You get the point. Yes we’re at (another) dangerous inflection point (or maybe it’s just the same one we’ve been at for the past couple of years) but sometimes it’s worth taking a step back and remembering that just because something is serious and alarming and generally Very Bad, it can still be extremely funny, too.
If you can’t laugh at that MTG tweet then I don’t know what to tell you
This comment is only 22 words:
Gimme money gimme money ah fuck it who’s counting anyway