Would You Have Survived D-Day?

Don't pretend you haven't thought about it.

Documentary footage of D-Day from Steven Spielberg.

Today is June 6, 2024, which is the 80th anniversary of the Allied landings in Normandy in World War II, otherwise known as D-Day. D-Day is one of the most famous military engagements in history, particularly to a generation that came of age right around when Saving Private Ryan was released, and its anniversary provides us with an opportunity for somber reflection on the horrors of war, poignantly described here by a veteran who lived through it.

Anyway, glad that’s over. Let’s get to why we’re really here: would you have survived it?

Come on. You know you’ve thought about it. You’re in that boat facing the German guns up on the cliff. Maybe you’re not in the first wave, right? Because realistically, you know, it was luck — if you were in that first wave you’re basically screwed. But just imagine you weren’t. If you make it up the beach to that first defilade under the cliffs you’ve got a shot right?

Earlier today a group of friends and I were pondering this question. Most, being rational people who work computer jobs for a living, concluded that they would almost immediately die or perhaps just fall over a little bit on the sand and lie there and not go any further. I respect this honesty, but on this, a somber and hallowed day, I have to say: booorrrring!!

Come on. You know you think you could secretly do it. One little run up the beach. About 150,000 of those greatest generation fuckers participated in the Normandy landings and their entire cohort used it to lord things over their idiot baby boomer offspring for their entire lives, which led to the baby boomers becoming massive World War II nuts (despite not fighting in World War II) who love to watch the same archival footage over and over again on the History Channel and post stuff on Facebook about how their millennial children can’t even hold down a job long enough to buy a house. Well listen assholes, you’re the ones posting on Facebook constantly on your iPads while watching the 4,000th National Geographic documentary on like “Patton’s Pride” or whatever.

Think about it. If you showed a member of the Greatest Generation this Call of Duty video they would probably die instantly, and yet I can watch several hours of this content every day and come out completely unscathed.

Talk about resilience. Could millennials have stormed the beaches in Normandy? Of course we could have. Seriously. A generation’s relative ability to withstand the horrors of war is a completely made-up thing that people tell themselves in order to make broad sweeping generalizations about groups of people they don’t like. (But Jack, didn’t you just do that about the boomers abov— SHUT UP.) We’d have stormed those beaches just fine. The question is: would you make it?

Due to the respectful nature of my reflection on this day of tragedy and heroism, I am forced to admit that personally I totally would have made it. I’ll explain my strategy here. First, instead of waiting to be drafted, I would have simply volunteered for placement (DON’T tell me if this wasn’t a thing) in the 8th Infantry Regiment of the 4th Infantry Division based (at that time) out of Fort Dix, New Jersey. On D-Day itself the 8th Infantry was tasked with assaulting Utah Beach, the northwestern-most beachhead of the Operation Neptune landings. But they were blown some two kilometers off course from their scheduled landing zone. That turned out to be fortuitous, as there was much less German opposition (the bombers got to them pretty good earlier), and the 8th managed to take the beach with only 197 casualties out of the 21,000 men that landed. Pretty good odds, no? Simple as that. 8th infantry all the way baby.

Is this something that could be construed as “the coward’s way, predicated on a prescient knowledge of history that implies time travel back to D-Day and my ass being able to choose which regiment I get into and then nothing butterfly effecting so bad that I get all messed up?” Sure. Whatever. It’s very possible that I could have been on The Bad Beach (Omaha) and drowned instantly. I went swimming for the first time in quite a while a few weeks ago and despite playing Water Polo in high school boy was I not very good at it anymore. Takes a lot of energy! Who knew.

But I’m interested in what you think. Have you gamed it out? Have you really thought about it, or do you take the cop-out that it would simply be “too hard” or “this is all a ludicrous and disrespectful thought experiment that means nothing.” If it’s the latter, well, you’re letting the greatest generation win, and basically all of them are dead now, so you really shouldn’t take that lying down. Sound off in the comments below: would you have survived D-Day?