Wow, Donald Trump Looks Like He's in Trouble!

I have been hermetically sealed off from the world since 2017, but it looks like we've finally got him.

Getty/ Jeff Swensen

New York State Attorney General Leticia James announced this morning that her office was suing Donald J. Trump, his family business, and three of his children on the allegations of “staggering” fraud based on decades of lying and artificially inflating the value of the family’s assets.

As a person who was hermetically sealed into a completely isolated environment 2017 and only just rejoined the world now, all I can say is: wow! Is this it? Donny’s going down??? Let’s read on in the New York Times story that everyone was served a push notification for (I just downloaded it and this was my first one):

Ms. James concluded that Mr. Trump and his family business violated several state criminal laws and “plausibly” broke federal criminal laws as well.

Yeah. Hell yeah!! He did it! He (allegedly) did the crimes. This is incredible! When Donald Trump was elected in 2016 I was completely dismayed, and the next 10-11 months of my life were torturous because of the horrible policies I watched him enact. Shortly thereafter, I was frozen in amber and cut off from the outside world. It was a little bit like when they were midway through filming a season of Love Island when COVID hit and all the contestants didn’t know that it happened (I’m catching up, naturally). Also, apparently there was something called “COVID?” Wild. The world is so different. But it looks like there’s one good thing happening! Donny T is going down! Now I’m going to read the next sentence:

Her office, which in this case lacks authority to file criminal charges, referred the findings to federal prosecutors in Manhattan; it was not immediately clear whether the U.S. attorney would investigate.

Ah shit! Shit! No! Crap! Does this kind of thing happen often? It seems like there’s still hope. Hang on. I’m clicking around a bit on the NYT website (what are all these “live” blogs. Where are the full stories? I’m not sure where to click.) and I’m seeing a few other things. Let’s try this one, here we go: The Trump Investigations, Explained.

Wow.. dang.. there’s a lot of these on here. This is incredible!! Surely one of these must have stuck! Are there criminal charges yet?? Clicking around… skimming… all I’ve had in the bunker-villa is the Game of Thrones series so I’m both extremely well versed in the world of ASOIAF and really pumped for some political intrigue in the real world. Has anyone cast the current political figures as Game of Thrones characters yet?

Anyway, here we go—wait. He hasn’t even been charged? He tried to rig an election?? His supporters stormed the Capitol building and broke into Nancy Pelosi’s office? His inner circle has been found guilty of an ever-escalating series of extremely dumb crimes? But… Trump is still free?

Wow. I really got my hopes up there for a second. It’s almost as if this guy is being protected by the fetid morass of state bureaucracy and the political timidity of his opponents combined with the ingrained structural biases that allow rich and powerful people to skirt the law. But I guess I kinda figured that while I was in the bunker we’d have sorted all that out. I mean, Joe Biden is president now, right?

This is all incredibly discouraging. Sure, it would be nice if the Trumps were effectively run out of New York, but from what I’m seeing the guy basically lives full time in Florida now and I’m not entirely sure he actually has businesses besides running campaign donation scams, but yeah! Let’s knock down his stature as a New York guy. This could work out! And I’m sure if we just do a little more digging, someone’s gonna find the one that finally takes him down. There’s no way he’ll be able to run again in ‘24, right? Ah, shit, wait. What’s that? They’re saying I have to go back to the bunker?? Wait! No!! It was just getting good out here! All right. Fine. But the next time they let me out, I’m really expecting you all to have done something about this.