Bird of the Week: Muscovy Duck
They're enemies of the people of Florida. But that's not the only good thing about them.
Now that we’re firmly in the middle of Duck Month here at Bird of the Week, it’s even more baffling to me that we’ve failed so miserably when it comes to featuring ducks in the past. Did you SEE the freckled duck last week????? We had ENTIRE YEARS when we could have been raving about that duck, and all the other ducks, and we didn’t. If you’ll excuse me, I just need a moment to commission a gargantuan Jayson Blair-level internal investigation into this lapse of editorial judgment.
OK, that’s done. Let’s get to this week’s duck. Like Caitlin, I chose this duck purely because it made me go “adlfjdl;fgs;dlfg” when I saw it.
It’s the one, the only…..muscovy duck.
I’m tempted to just walk away after this picture. Like, this is a mic drop in photo form. Look at duck!!!!!!
Not convinced?
Come ON now. Need I say more???
OK, I’ll say a little more. (Not too much because it’s been a loooong week.) There are muscovy ducks that have been domesticated, but there are also wild muscovy ducks all throughout Central and South America, and dipping into the edges of much of the southern United States. (They’ve also been found in New Zealand, because of course.) In particular, there are apparently a bunch of wild muscovy ducks in Florida, because people bought them as pets and then released them illegally. They breed like…ducks, I guess? Constantly, is the key fact anyway. So there are now so many muscovy ducks roaming around that there are literally pest control guidelines for them in Florida, where they’re seen as an aggressive invasive species.
I don’t know why people in Florida are so mad. Look at these little muscovy ducklings that someone in Florida found in their backyard:
I mean!!!!!!!! Look at this duck showing off its very large size (they’re one of the biggest ducks around), incredible iridescent blue-green feathers, and prominent caruncle!!!
You’re telling me you wouldn’t want that hanging around your state? Well, these are the people who foisted Ron DeSantis on the universe, so being hated by them is kind of a badge of honor.
It gets crazier—here’s a news segment about Florida crazies deliberately running over some muscovies because they didn’t like all the ducks hanging around their neighborhood. What the hell!
This whole segment is incredible actually. “The ducks aren’t the problem, it’s the poop,” one woman who has tried to scare the ducks away (for real) with rubber snakes says. “For the most part, people hate the ducks,” someone else says. !!!! “Most neighbors here agree, running the ducks over isn’t the solution,” the reporter concludes. No kidding. FLORIDA.
Actually, this one’s worse—a Texas city actually told people to kill the ducks, but that, according to this report, “generally speaking you could not use a gun” to do it. They’re out here treating these ducks like spotted lanternflies, and it disgusts me.
When muscovy ducks aren’t breeding and dodging cars and bullets (!!), they’re more likely found in tropical areas (though they kind of do well in most places) where they can mate, eat all the stuff they like (and they like…just about everything) and generally chill. Here’s a duck flying.
Here’s some ducks in their natural habitats.
And here are some ducks (I think domesticated ones) having a little argument.
QUACK. QUACK. Keep making Floridians mad. Until next time!
A reminder: you can check out our complete Bird of the Week list here, and get in touch with your bird suggestions at hello@discourseblog.com.
Majestic turkey-ass duck 🫡
I remember walking from my apartment to my college classes every day and getting repeatedly menaced and bitten by a particular muscovy duck until I whacked it with a bottle of pear cider and it started leaving me alone. Fuck them ducks, but running ducks over is not the answer.