FOWL HYSTERIA 2023: FINAL FOUR
TENSION MOUNTS.
Let’s just get right to it, folks. WE HAVE OUR FINAL FOUR BIRDS.
Round 3 of Fowl Hysteria™, the world’s first-ever bracket-based bird tournament, was filled with so many twists and turns that we’ve barely recovered. But now we have to get ready for the super-duper-big leagues, because this is the Final Four (Bird Edition).
Four incredible birds stand, or else perch, before us. But only one will go on to become the world’s first Fowl Hysteria Champion. (We get goosebumps just thinking about it!)
These birds have been tested time and again. They’ve fought off rivals big and small. They’ve bobbed and ducked and flown and cawed and smushed their way to the precipice of immortality. And now, they have yet another huge mountain to climb.
Let us unveil, in all its glory, our bracket as it stands right now.
There’s a little bit of everything there. Big birds, little birds. Normie birds, freak birds. “Ooh I saw this on my walk, there were like 10 of them!” birds and “I had to go to the literal ends of the earth to see this one” birds. You have chosen very well.
We’re almost there. THIS IS TO DECIDE THE FINAL, EVERYONE!
A Reminder of How This Works
It’s pretty simple. There are four birds, so that means two different matchups for this fourth round. We’ve created polls for both matchups and made sure to provide you with the links to the relevant bird blogs so you can refresh your memory if you need. All you have to do is vote for the bird of your choice in each poll! You have a week to vote, and then, next Friday, we’ll tell you which birds made it to the FOWL HYSTERIA FINAL!!!!!!!
And remember: this is all for fun, and every single one of these birds is spectacular.
OK. LET’S DO THIS.
ROUND 4!!!
The American crow has been pretty unstoppable this whole tournament. It easily took the indigo bunting out in Round 3, presumably using its fearsome intelligence and cawing intimidation tactics. Now it finds itself up against the cedar waxwing, which is both a socialist and not one to mess with. The northern flicker had become very adept at clawing its way to victory. But the waxwing was where its road to glory ended.
Two powerhouses of the American Bird League meet. Only one can win.
Wowza, this matchup. In one corner, the secretary bird, a ruthless predator, a bird with eyelashes almost as long as its legs, one of Africa’s most powerful denizens. In another, the kea, a mountain-dwelling, car-chomping, ACAB-loving Kiwi. Both birds got past highly formidable foes in Round 3. The bumblebee hummingbird seemed like it might go all the way. Then it met the secretary bird. The lammergeier literally eats bones for dinner. Then it met the kea. Them’s the breaks. Wait, no, them’s the BEAKS.
Two seminal weirdos. One place in the finals. Over to you.
OK, that’s it. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!!!!!! And tune in next week for THE FINAL!
A reminder: you can check out our complete Bird of the Week list here, and get in touch with your bird suggestions at hello@discourseblog.com.
If we end up with Kea v. Crow in the final round I’m going to lose my mind.
CROW VS. KEA: will the crow cruise to the crown, or will the underbird shock the world?