Testimony: Donald Trump's Big Jan. 6 Tantrum Was Wild And Incredibly Funny
Change your diaper, sir!
I’m not going to get my hopes up that the January 6 committee hearings will actually result in any serious or longstanding consequences for former President Donald Trump, or his cadre of inner-ring enablers and sycophants. I think we all know better than that. But man, today’s public spectacle delivered.
After 24 hours of intense secrecy and redoubled security efforts, Tuesday’s much ballyhooed public testimony by former Administration official Cassidy Hutchinson, a top aide to White House Chief of staff Mark Meadows, broke through the noise by being genuinely shocking as well as absolutely hilarious. I mean like real old fashioned, gut-busting slapstick comedy funny. Three Stooges slapping each other in the head and hitting one another with pies stuff.
Speaking under oath before a packed hearing room, Hutchinson — who, let us not forget, diligently worked in in the Trump White House until this point — testified that the former president knew attendees at his January 6 rally were armed and preparing to march on the Capitol building at his urging. What’s more, Hutchinson claimed, Trump was so monomaniacally fixated on joining them that when he expected the presidential limo to drive him there when he boarded after his speech. Upon being told by his Secret Service protective detail that, no, he would not actually be descending on a full blown riot, Hutchinson said Trump threw a tantrum, screaming “I’m the fucking President, take me up to the Capitol now.” She then claimed he grabbed for the presidential limo’s steering wheel, and when that didn’t work, also reached to choke out one of his Secret Service agents.
At this point if you’re not laughing I don’t know what to tell you. C’mon!!! Did Trump actually think he — a septuagenarian golfer who eats three square meals of grease a day — could overpower one of the most elite bodyguards in the history of the entire human species? I have sworn off speculating on the President’s mental status for my own health, but it can’t have been good.
What I can say is that when Trump learned then-Attorney General Bill Barr had given an interview with the Associated Press to deny any electoral shenanigans, he was so worked up that he threw a plate full of ketchup (maybe other food, too? With Trump it’s really anyone’s guess!) against the wall, like a toddler with a full diaper and in desperate need of sleepy time.
Personally, this is all extremely funny. Will it actually make a difference in the long arc of history? Probably not. It’s not illegal to throw ketchup as far as I know. It is illegal to sic a lynch mob on your own Vice President, however, but whether or not that one sticks to Trump like ketchup on the wall remains to be seen. Still, it’s nice to know that in these trying times, that there’s humor to be found in the world.